Just Shut the Hell Up
by IxDontxCare
Summary: The oddest talk show hosted by two bisexual ex-CIA vampires. They invite guest from all sorts of media and do a ton of arguing.
1. Chapter 1

**Prologue-**

**Two bisexual vampires that after two years of being kicked out of the CIA are now starting there very own television talk show. Zolo the more serious of the two works part time at Mc Donald's as Gage the spontaneous one works at a bar every other night. These two lovers who are blind to their own emotions for each other share a one room apartment a block away from the studio. Their new extreme talk show replaced the absence of R&R. Now it is up to them to bring entertainment to the world in front of a live audience. Which mainly consist of animals. They have to settle their differences and over come their guest and vicious cat Missy who by the way has a supper long name. **

**Chapter 1**

**Just Shut the Hell Up**

*****_**Zolo walked out on stage taking a bow and sitting down behind a desk.**_*****

*****_**The crowd cheers and screams in applause.**_*** **

**Random Girl: We love you Zolo!**

*****_**Gage storms out on stage with narrowed eyebrows.**_*****

**Gage: Shut the hell up!! All of you!**

**Zolo: Stop yelling at the audience.**

**Gage: I do what I want.**

**Zolo: Yeah, right. Now back to the point.**

**Gage: What point?! Now you're making points without me!? I don't know you anymore!**

**Zolo:You got us kicked out of the C.I.A! **

**Gage: How was I supposed to know you aren't supposed to put tin foil in the microwave!**

**Zolo: When it says so on the side!**

**Gage: Well, who puts a nuclear powered microwave in a C.I.A kitchen!?!**

**Zolo: You do!**

**Gage: I thought it meant it would cook chicken nuggets faster!**

**Zolo: FASTER! You could just walk down to McDonalds!**

**Gage: You realize you just said walk ,right?**

**Zolo: Yeah, walk its what normal people do.**

**Gage: Normal? Look at you I've never seen so much color on a man! You're representing something fruity mister.**

**Zolo: Well excuse me for being exciting.**

**Gage: Exciting? You're so busy you make three year olds tired.**

**Zolo: Tired? Look who's talking prisoner.**

**Gage: Wait a minute…wait a minute ..No I don't got anything else to say to you.**

**Zolo: ***_**Starts laughing.**_*** I'm not surprised.**

**Gage: Wait…still don't. Continue. ***_**sits down in the audience. **_*** **

**Zolo: Okay, so' s this is supposed to be a replacement for R&R T.V. has been so boring lately.**

**Gage: Go on. I agree..**

**Random Girl: Same here preach it like it is.**

**Zolo: We have three guests lined up for today.**

**Gage: So, Harry Potter, come on out.**

**Zolo: Well, hello, Harry! Welcome to…**

**Gage: Just shut the hell up!!**

**Zolo: You just like saying that ,don't you?**

**Gage: Your point?**

**Zolo: Didn't have one.**

**Gage: Exactly!**

**Harry: Wow… so how long have you two been married?**

**Gage: As long as you've been a virgin! So shut up!**

**Zolo: He's not my type.**

**Harry: Really!?! ***_**gasp**_*****

**Zolo: And neither are you, sweetheart.**

**Harry: You wish you were good enough for me.**

**Gage: Says the man that just got rejected. **

**Zolo: I could get any man I want if I was gay.**

**Harry: And since you're not you can't.**

**Zolo: Are you saying you're gay Harry?**

**Harry: ***_**Shifty eyes.**_*** I never said that.**

**Gage: You're boring me.**

**Zolo: Cao Cao, come on out.**

*****_**Cao Cao comes zipping across the stage valiantly on his noble steed. Then with a swift hand gesture sends the horse back and flops down on a beanbag chair**_**.***

**Gage: How is that pronounced? **

**Zolo: Gage, now don't be rude.**

**Gage: Fine I'll just call you Cocoa. **

**Cao Cao: ***_**Over dramatically.**_*** You'll regret that.**

**Gage: Please I've seen scarier things under the sofa. ***_**Waves a hand in the air**_**.***

**Zolo: Now I want cocoa.**

**Harry: With marshmallows!**

**Gage: Can I just have what he had.**

**Zolo: You're crazy.**

**Gage: For cocoa puffs.**

*****_**Cocoa Puffs theme song starts playing**_**.***

**Zolo: Since when did we have a sound guy? Wait. Harry make sure Gage behaves. I'm going out for cocoa. ***_**Leaves the show**_**.***

**Gage: No cocoa for me? How rude.**

**Cao Cao: What's with this show?**

**Gage: What's with your love life?**

**Harry: Oo. Burn!**

*****_**Yugi comes running onstage**_**.***

**Yugi: Something just tried to eat me!**

**Cao Cao: That would be my horse.**

**Gage: Whoa! Whoa! No animals on the show!**

**Cao Cao: But!? I came riding in on it!**

**Gage: I didn't see that and sorry Harry but, you'll have to leave.**

*****_**Zolo comes walking in carrying a tray of cocoa**_**.***

**Zolo: Who let the kitten out? Oh… hey Yugi. How long have you been here?**

**Yugi: Since someone let me in. Are you sure it was a kitty?**

**Gage: Yeah her name is Miss Madam Elizabeth Anne Stroganoff Harrington Vanwits the 5th****. Don't ask what happened to the last 4.**

**Cao Cao: What?**

**Zolo: Just never ask us to name anything, Cocoa.**

**Cao Cao: Did you just call me cocoa?**

**Zolo: Nope… do you want some cocoa?**

**Gage: Yeah! ***_**Puts up a hand**_**.* Now we can tell stories and drink hot cocoooa and play games and drink hot cocoooa and tell more stories and drink hot teeea~!**

**Zolo: I thought we were drinking hot cocoa!!**

**Gage: Oh yeah, hot coocooooa~ we'll be drinking.**

**Harry: ***_**Comes running with the kitten on his back**_**.* Help it's trying to eat me!**

**Gage: ***_**Sighs gets up out the crowd and grabs the kitten**_**.* Down you vicious beastie.**

**Zolo: Put her back in the cage.**

**Cao Cao: ***_**Screams like a girl**_**.* That thing ate my horse.**

**Gage: ***_**Turns holding the struggling kitty away from him**_**.* How long has he been back stage?**

**Zolo: No idea ,but we don't have to feed her now.**

**Gage:* **_**Whispers.**_*** We probably owe him a new horse.**

**Zolo:* **_**Shifty eyes and shaking his head.**_*** Pht. No ,no.. There was no proof and legal binding in any harm or damage done to our guest or their stuff backstage.**

**Gage: You just like using big words, don't you?**

**Zolo: I'm just smatter then you, deal with it.**

**Gage: I choose not to make the crowd and guest feel inferior.**

**Zolo: Whatever helps you sleep at night.**

**Gage: You're one to talk! Cuddling up next to me during that last thunder storm.**

**Zolo: Don't pretend you didn't like it.**

**Gage: What the cuddling or the thirty minutes of crying?**

**Zolo: I wasn't crying… there was something in my eye. **_***Turns his head and tears up a bit.***_

**Yugi: Whoa! Gay-dar alert. Back off.**

**Gage: ***_**Throws the kitten at Yugi**_**.* Attack, Missy. **

**Yugi: ***_**Screams like a girl**_**.***

**Zolo: ***_**Flops back into the beanbag chair**_**.* We're going to get sued.**

**Gage: Shush! Hide the body! Takeout the snipers first! Creep up on the two enemies behind the bush…!**

**Zolo: Get it together ,man. ***_**Slaps Gage**_**.* This isn't Nam! **

**Gage: **_*** Pokes Yugi with a stick**_**.* Is he even dead?**

**Zolo: No. You're just an idiot.**

**Yugi:* **_**Mean gargle**_**.***

**Gage: Hey, That's not nice.**

**Zolo: Who said I was?**

**Harry: I did.**

**Zolo: Harry, just shut the hell up. You don't even know me.**

**Harry: Oh that's right I was thinking of the guy in the… The waitress I had at the restaurant.**

**Gage: That sounds pretty gay to me.* **_**Squinty eyes.**_*****

**Harry: Who asked you anyway?**

**Zolo: No one he asked himself.**

**Gage: Mama say what!?! ***_**Pause**_*** Sorry I was listening to the radio on this ear piece.**

**Zolo: We didn't get those yet.**

**Gage: So, what have I been listening to?**

**Zolo: Could be missy she's been chewing on you.**

**Gage: ***_**Screams and starts dancing around waving his arm around**_**.* OMG! Why didn't I notice that?**

**Zolo: I thought you knew!**

**Gage: ***_**Pauses**_*** Of course I didn't know. ***_**Continues screaming while dancing arm waving his arm around**_**.* Zolo ,get the stick!**

**Zolo: Wait here.***_**Runs backstage and grabs a tree branch**_**.*Back!***_**Swings the giant tree branch.**_***Back, I say.**

**Gage:***_**Gets hit in the head**_**.* Ow…Don't hit me with that thing!**

**Missy:***_**Hisses and jumps on Zolo**_**.***

**Zolo: ***_**Squeals.**_*** Ah…Get it off. Get it off.**

**Gage: I don't Know.. It makes you look more distinguished. **

**RG: I agree!**

**Zolo:***_**Stops dead in his tracks and looks at Missy.**_*** You're out of your god forsaken mind!**

**Gage: Maybe she knows we're not cat people.**

**Zolo: Or maybe she's the devil in disguise.**

**RG: You two are horrible she's just a little kitty.**

**Gage and Zolo: She's evil.**

**RG: You just need to know how to handle her just watch.* **_**Picks up missy and starts scratching behind her ears.**_*****

*****_**Missy starts purring and behaving like a perfect angel**_**.***

**Gage: She devil! That bitch is a witch! Crucify her ass!**

**Zolo: ***_**Takes Missy and she starts attacking his arm**_**.* Magic I tells you.**

**Gage: Someone get the bible and some holy water.**

**RG: It's not magic, I'm not a witch, you two are insane, and I want some donuts. Oh yeah and I'm keeping Miss Madam Elizabeth Anne Stroganoff Harrington ***_**Pauses to take a breath.**_*** Vanwits the 5****th****.**

**Gage: Wow never noticed how long of a name that was.**

**Zolo: ***_**Grabs Gage's arm and whines.* **_**She's gona take away our kitty.**

**Gage: Whoa! You can't take our kitty! She's worth more than the Queen of England! 6 blue ribbons worth.**

**RG: Well, I'm not leaving her behind.**

**Zolo: Congrats. You got the new job of …**

**Gage: Just Shut the Hell up's animal trainer.**

**RG: I'm not interested.**

**Zolo: Then you're not leaving.**

**Gage: I'll get the rope! ***_**Skips to backstage to get rope**_**.***

**Cao Cao: What about my horse?!**

**Gage: What about your horse!**

**Cao Cao: I'll sue you for everything you have!**

**Gage: ***_**Thinks about it**_**.* What do I have?**

**Zolo: ***_**Watches Gage drag the rope back**_**.* You got 3 shirts, 2 pairs of pants, a battery, and that's about it. ***_**Starts tying up the random girl.***_

**Gage: Wait…***_**Goes though his pockets**_**.* I got some lint and a key to… never mind.**

**Zolo: A key to what? ***_**Finishes tying up the girl**_**.***

**Gage: Nothing.**

**Zolo: Oh yeah? ***_**Starts shaking down Gage by his ankles**_**.* A half eaten sandwich, Spiderman watch, a nuclear microwave, a key to Zolo's room, a kazoo… my room!? ***_**Drops Gage on his head**_**.***

**Gage: That isn't mine. I was holding it for a friend. ***_**Sits up and rubs his head.**_*** Ow.**

**Zolo: This isn't drugs we're talking about here. It's a key to my room.**

**Gage: I wasn't kidding. I was holding it for a friend.**

**Zolo: What friend? You have no friends. I'm your only friend.**

**Gage: That's not true. There's Missy and that random chick from the bar.**

**Zolo: You said you were doing laundry! And you were holding my key for some random stranger you met in a bar!?**

**Gage: She was hot in a whorish way. And don't call Missy a stranger! She's a princess.**

**Zolo: I was talking about the bar whore you were associating with!**

**Gage: Oh come now. You didn't even know her. She had a decent job.**

**Zolo: I'll say whatever I want. ***_**Holds out his hand for his room key**_**.* My key now and I hope she was worth it because you're sleeping outside tonight.**

**Gage: ***_**Hands the key over in defeat**_**.* But nothing happened! We had drinks, talked, and did laundry.**

**Zolo: Is that what you call it these days "Laundry!" **

**Gage: No! I actually learned something from her!**

**Zolo: * **_**Turns around stalks away**_**.* I don't even want to here it. I'm going home!**

**Gage: Well don't come crawling to me when you hear thunder! Anyways, that's it for tonight folks. See you next time on Just Shut the Hell Up!**

**To be continued…**

**Dramatic Voice: Will, Gage and Zolo ever get back together? Why won't the random girl take the job? Why is ,Missy, so angry?! Is Cao Cao still suing? What ever happened to Yugi? Does Zolo ever figure out why Gage does so much laundry at night? Find out on the next Just Shut the Hell Up.**

**Facts:**

**RG- is random girl (It gets tiring typing that out so many times.)**

**The quotations are air quotes. The actions are in italics and sandwiched between those adorable stars that have no meaning very much. **


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 1 Continued…

~In the apartment~

Zolo:*_Yawns. Rolls over and grabs his star sunglasses.* _Morning….Need Coffee. _*Walks like a Zombie and trips over the couch.* _

Gage:*_Wakes up.*_Oh…Wait not another thunder storm and I wasn't even awake for this one.

Zolo:*_mumbles.*_Coffee…

Gage: Get it yourself…I prefer orange juice.

Zolo: But I fell and fell asleep_.*Flings cushion pillow at Gage.*_

Gage: Fine .Do you want decafe?

Zolo: Decafe is evil.

Gage:*_Pushes Zolo Off.* _Then get it yourself.

Zolo:*_Stretches Yawning.* _I was comfy.

Gage:*_Sits up and stretches.*_So, what? You have no case.*_Gives Zolo an evil stare.*_

Zolo:* _Goes to get his coffee.*_Mmmm…Coffee…

Gage: That's not sanitary.* _Get's up and wanders into the kitchen_.*

Zolo: So…oh my goodness where are your undies !?! *_Drops coffee at the sight of Gage's nakedness.* _Aw ..my coffee.

Gage:*_Shrugs_* My clothes were all dirty and I like a nice breeze between my knees.

Zolo: Didn't need to know that.*_Turns and pours another cup of coffee.* _Go get dressed.

Gage: *_Hugs Zolo_.* Don't pretend you don't like it.

Zolo: Get out of my kitchen

Gage: No!I feel like dancing._*Turns on the kitchen radio and starts dancing.*_This is my jam!

Zolo:*_Continues ignoring Gage and sips his coffee.* _I got work.

Gage: Why wont you join me grumpy pants?

Zolo: I Have work. You know the thing that keeps a roof over your head.

_* Goes to get dressed for work.*_

Gage: Zolo, your sarcastic.

Zolo: Thanks for noticing. _*Comes back out wearing a tie dye t- shirt and khaki pants.*_Don't you have somewhere to go?Gage: I'm no… What happened to your suit?

Zolo: I kind of forgot it wasn't machine washable.

Gage: And that's exactly why..*_Points to himself_.* I do the laundry.

Zolo: You know you ain't doing laundry every time you say you are.

Gage: Of course I am. What else would I be doing? _*Stops dancing and turns off the radio.*_

Zolo: You tell me. *_Crosses his arms and stares at Gage_.*

Gage: Okay. What do you want me to say? *_Gage puts his hands on his hips.*_

Zolo: I'm going to work.

Gage: Bring me a happy meal! _*Looks around.* _Game time!

~At McDonalds~

Jerry: What did I tell you about wearing that shirt!?

Zolo: That it brings out my eyes.

Jerry: Guess again.

Zolo: That I shouldn't even wear a shirt anymore.

Jerry: Zolo!

Zolo: You know it gets kind of hot in here. Whabam! *_Rips shirt off.*_

Jerry: NO!

RC: Is somebody going to take my order?

Zolo: *_Turns around_.* Oh.. Didn't realize anyone else was here.

RC :Wow…Can I get you to go?

Jerry: Sorry but…*_gets interrupted_*

Zolo: Depends with you ,get something to go with these abs?

RC: A large milkshake and fries.

Zolo: Five dollars and your number.

~At the Apartment~

*_Gage is sitting up sleeping on the couch_.*

Zolo: Gage! I'm unlocking the door!*_Searches for the keys_.*

Gage: Gah! Got to find something to do_.*Finds game controller in his lap.*_Yes! Come in!

Zolo:*_Opens the door and finds a chip infested room with Gage still naked on the couch.*_Huh…

Gage: What?

Zolo: Uh huh.*_Closes the door_.*I'll give it a minute.

Gage:*_Shouts at the door.* _You'll be back.

Zolo: _*Opens the door.*_What!?

Gage:*_All sprawled out on the couch looking all sexy and delicious.* _

Zolo: Get a Job!*_Slams the door shut behind him_.*

Gage: I have one!

Zolo: *_Leaning on the door_.*Why didn't I kick him out?

Gage:*_Opens the door_.*Are…

Zolo:*_Falls on Gage.*_

Gage: I told you they always come back.*_Evil grin_.*

Zolo: I didn't come back, you opened the door.*_Notices Gage is still nakey_.* Ah!

Gage: Just when it was getting fun!

Zolo: For you maybe.

Gage: Don't be like that.

Zolo: Get dressed and we'll talk.

Gage: *_Hopeful.*_You promise?

Zolo: Yeah, now get dressed.

Gage: Okay.*_Puts on pants from the other day_.* Better?

Zolo: No undies?

Gage: I put on pants. What more do you want from me woman!?!

Zolo: A ring and a romantic dinner.

Gage: Well then get in the car, we're going to the mall

Zolo: Whoa! I was kidding.

Gage:*_Shifty eyes_.* I knew that

Zolo: Sure you did

Gage: Yeah I did. You needed a new suit right? I was talking about that.

Zolo: New suit? I was planning on wearing this.

Gage: A ripped t-shirt and khaki pants? Doesn't suit you well. Unless your going for the Brad Pit look.

Zolo: Fine then I'll wear yours.

Gage: You sure about that, you don't know where anything I own has been.

Zolo: Yeah I do. It just sits around all over the place in the living room.

Gage: That may be true, but what happens before it enters the house held still remains a mystery.

Zolo: So, you don't even know what happens to your clothes?

Gage: *_Grins.*_Trust me no one wants to know.

Zolo: Not even going to ask.

Gage: *_Checks the time.*_We should probably get ready for the show.

Zolo: What am I going to wear!?! I can't go out looking like this!

Gage: Zolo, calm down.

Zolo: Calm down? Calm Down?!?! *_Shakes Gage senseless_.* This is a fashion emergency!

Gage: Whoa!*_Tries to get Zolo to let go.*_ You have issues. *_Calmly_.* In your room the top dresser drawer. There are clean clothes.

Zolo: I looked earlier when I went to get changed for work!

Gage: Check again.*_Points to Zolo's room_.*

Zolo: Yes, mother.*_Goes to check his drawer_.*There's nothing here!

Gage: Wrong drawer!

Zolo: How do you even know that?*_Checks his other drawer_.* Still nothing!

Gage: Your not even looking in the dresser.

Zolo: What are you…*_Turns around.*_Have you been standing there the whole time?

Gage: *_Leaning in the doorway.* _Yeah and the view is nice.*_Grabs a random shirt and puts it on._*This comfy.

Zolo: That's mine and you still need to wash it.

Gage:*_Looks at the shirt.* _Oh my god! Get it off! It burns!*_Tears the shirt off throws it to the ground and starts stomping on it.*_

Zolo: Hey, I liked that shirt.

Gage: *_Puts on a black shirt he found on the couch_.*There we go. You need any help in there!?!

Zolo: *_Rolls his eyes.*_Of course not I was just going to wear nothing.

Gage: I'm down with that.*_Grabs his camera_.*This one will go great next to the one with you in the shower.

Zolo: So, you're the reason the lock on the bathroom door is broken?

Gage: There was a lock?

Zolo: There was, but then we had to replace the door.

Gage: Good thing we got a new door or things would get boring.

Zolo: Yeah I remember how you ruined my last bath.*_Thinks back.*_

~Flashback.~

Zolo:*_Sitting in the bathtub_.*This is the best bath I've ever had.*_Leans back to relax.*_

Gage: *_Kicks open the door and jumps in_.*Yay ,Bubbles.

Zolo: Gage! I'm not decent get out!

Gage: Hey we're both men here. I'll wash your back if you shampoo my hair.*_Holds up a scrubby ball.*_

Zolo: Fine.

~End of Flashback.~

Gage:*_Shakes Zolo Senseless_.*What are you doing?

Zolo: Huh? Oh ,remembering the time in the bathtub.

Gage: Your not even dressed yet.

Zolo: I'm checking the closet.

Gage: I got this.*_Goes and opens the closet.*_There, see?

Zolo: *_Leans over Gage's shoulder and sees row upon row of suits_.*So, I need a new suit, Really?

Gage: Just get dressed and hurry.*_Slips on some shoes and heads for the door.*_

Zolo: Wait for me! *_Runs after Gage pulling on his rainbow jacket_.*

~At the Studio.~

Gage: Okay, So we have a few lost ends to tie up.

RG: Or untie.

Zolo: Shut up! Nobody asked you.

RG: *_squirms in her chair.* _But I have to go

Gage: Zolo, Quit being so grumpy today and let her go.

RG: Yeah! I agree with Gage.

Gage: Shush! We are talking here.

Zolo: *_Turns to RG_.*We can't let you take missy.

Gage: *Looks around.* Has anyone seen her?

Missy: Merrrarow!*_Jumps on an audience member_.*

Crowd member: I don't want to die!*_another member_.* Get it off!*_Ect_.*

Gage: You remember when she was nice?

Zolo: Yeah before the microwave incident.

~Flashback~

Gage: I wonder what happens when you stick cats in a microwave.

Zolo: Don't do it. It won't end nice.*_Sitting on the couch reading_.*

Gage: Well, I'm gonna!*_Stuffs Missy in the nuclear microwave_.*

Missy:*_Sickly cat screams_.*

Zolo: What is wrong with you!?Gage: Neat!*_Stands watching in awe_.*

~Flashback ended.~

Zolo: Don't ever do that again.

Gage: No promises

Zolo: You're a loss cause

Gage: *_Ignoring Zolo_.* I found this dog the other day and I was thinking, if it's big enough about putting it in the microwave.

Yugi: *_Stands up rubbing his head_.*What happened?

Zolo: You passed out when the cat tried to eat you.

Yugi: Oh, she did…I can't feel my arm! Oh my god! She ate it!

Gage: I don't know I think it makes him look more distinguished.

Zolo: Gage, don't say stuff like that. It's just numb.

Gage: You're no fun

Yugi: Can I go home?

Zolo: *_Walks around Yugi_.*I don't know I think you should go see a doctor. What do you think ,Gage?

Gage: I think I am a doctor

Zolo: No your not! You're a lair.

Gage: A doctor of comfort.*_Holds up a keychain.* _It says so.

Yugi: Why?

Zolo: Don't encourage him.

Gage: Don't tell our guest what to do.

Zolo: I'm going to take Yugi to the doctor.

RG: Do you really think that's the best idea?

Zolo: I'd rather not think about it.

Gage: So, your leaving me in charge? All alone with no one to tell me what to do.

Zolo: That's right.

Gage: In that case, just get going already.

Zolo: I hope you're not scheming anything.*_Zolo waves and pushes Yugi out the door.* _

Gage: Yes!*_Turns music on_.*Dance party!

~Later Backstage.~

Zolo: I'm getting a really bad feeling about this.*_Starts heading for the stage.*_

Cao Cao: Wait!

*_Zolo jumps and screams_.*

Cao Cao:*Starts laughing.*Did I scare you?

Zolo: Of course not.

Cao Cao: Whatever you say.

Zolo: What the hell is wrong with you!?!

Cao Cao: Your cat ate my horse. I'm suing.*_Cries a little_.*

Zolo: We'll get you a new one!*_Turns away_.*

Cao Cao: What about…?

Zolo: Ahh-! *_Turns back after scaring Cao Cao away.*_

~ On Stage.~

Gage: Let's move onto the fire juggling part of Simon Says.*_Watches the crowd attempt and fail at fire juggling.*_

Zolo: *_Walks in_.*Fire, Gage, Really?

Gage:*_Still watching the crowd_.*Wow ,Pretty.

Zolo: We're going to get sued, and end up living in a cardboard box.

Gage: Nu-uh. I was prepared.*_Throws a fire extinguisher into the fire_.* See.*_Big explosion_.*

Zolo: What about that?

Gage: I was prepared for that too.*_Pulls out another fire extinguisher and uses it right._* Now I'm sad.

Zolo: Why?

Gage: I was having fun.

Zolo: Burning down buildings isn't fun for homeless people which is what will happen to us if you burn it down.

Gage: I love my couch.*_Shudders_.*

Zolo: My point exactly.

Gage: For once you actually made sense.

Zolo: Hey!*_Pauses_.*Wait a minute…Why do I even care?

Gage: Because your secretly in love with me..

Zolo: In your dreams maybe.

RG: Hey!*_Notices their ignoring her_.*Lovebirds. You can untie me now!

Gage: How long have you been here?*_Scratches head.*_

RG: Since yesterday and I'm starving!

Zolo: Fine but you leave the cat!*Cuts the rope.*

RG: No!

Gage: Then take the f***ing job.

RG: No!

Gage: Hey! No one says no to me.

Zolo:*_Puts a hand on Gage's shoulder_.* Now, Gage. We both know that isn't true.

Gage: You're the only exception.

Zolo: Why won't you take the job….What's your name anyway?

RG: Fida…

Zolo: Odd name.

Gage: Like your one to talk.

Zolo: Now that's low making fun of my name.

Fida: As much as I'd love to stay and watch you two argue I have things to do.

Zolo: You never answered my question.

Fida: I'm 11,why would I want a job?

Gage: How'd you even get in here?

Zolo: It's a show for adults.

Fida: My parents brought.*_Waves at her parents_.*

Zolo: That's a dog in a suit and a tree in a banana suit.

Fida: That's mom and dad.

Gage: Okay then.

Zolo: Does explain why she's so good with animals.

Gage: It does, doesn't it?

Zolo: Very. So, you either take the job or you are banned form the live audience part of the show forever.

Gage: I agree. Forever.

Fida: What? no fair.

Zolo: Life isn't fair now is it.

Gage: No not fair at all. You don't even know.

Fida: Fine, but dad wont like it.

Zolo: Which one's your dad?

Fida: The dog.

Gage: There's like 10 of them.

Zolo: Don't be rude.

Fida: I'm sorry you don't notice him.

Gage: I'm sorry but there's like 10 other dogs in here.

Fida: He's wearing a suit.

Gage: Ok like 3 of them.

Fida: The other two are my brothers.

Gage: Can you be more specific.

Zolo: He's obviously the tallest one.

Fida: Ha ha ha. No silly he's the one in the middle.

Gage: He's really small.

Zolo: How'd the whole tree and dog thing work in the first place?

Gage: And why do you look like a person.

Fida: I take after mom.

Zolo: She's a tree.

Fida: Your point.

Gage: You know you have her bark pattern hair.

Fida: Why thank you?

Zolo: Wait, what?

Gage: Yeah.*_Winks_.* So, see you tomorrow then. Food and water is in the back and we're out of kitty litter. Yeah bye.*_Gage takes off running home_.*

Zolo: I guess that's it for today. Tune in next time for Just Shut the Hell Up!

~The End.~


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 2**

*** **_**Gage gets up at 5 in the morning makes a pot of coffee. Heads back to the couch throwing the remote at Zolo's door letting him know the coffee's started.***_

**Gage: Can't sleep..***_**Yawns**_**.*Need something to do.***_**Pauses**_**.*I know.***_**Grabs a camera.***_

**~In Zolo's Room.~**

**Zolo: No…I want cherry nut ice cream…mommy I want cherry nut…**

**Gage: Gold.***_**Takes a seat next to Zolo's bed with the camera on**_**.***

**Zolo: Laundry again…you just did the laundry…**

**Gage: Aw…He's dreaming about me.**

**Zolo: ***_**Rolls off the bed.***_** I told you it wouldn't work….**

**Gage: ***_**Jumps on Zolo's bed.**_*** Much better.**

**Zolo: I got the day off so back to the couch you go!***_**Gets up to get back in bed.***_

**Gage: But I'm already in and comfy.***_**Gives big puppy dog eyes**_**.***

**Zolo: ***_**Yawns.***_**Move.**

**Gage:***_**Shifted over**_**.*Better? Zolo ,you up?**

**Zolo: …..***_**Fell back to sleep.***_

**Gage: That's okay.***_**Cuddles up to Zolo with a child's smile**_**.***

**~Later that morning.~**

**Zolo: ***_**Yawns. Rolls over and grabs his star sunglasses.***_**Morning…**

**Gage: Hey, sexy, coffee's in the normal place.**

**Zolo:***_**Turns to notice Gage propping himself up with an arm.**_***Did I actually…***_**Flips the blanket of the bed**_**.***

**Gage: You ruin all the fun.***_**Lays there in a pair of black slacks**_**.***

**Zolo: What are you doing in my room?**

**Gage:***_**Shrugs**_**.*Couldn't sleep.**

**Zolo: And?**

**Gage: You didn't kick me out.**

**Zolo: That's not an excuse.***_**Points to the door**_**.***

**Gage: Says the man who talks in his sleep.**

**Zolo: Whatever. I don't talk in my sleep.**

**Gage: How would you know you were asleep?**

**Zolo: I just know**

**Gage: ***_**Grabs the camera grinning.***_**I have proof.**

**Zolo: What's that? ***_**Leans in to get a good look.**_*****

**Gage: A video of you sleeping. ***_**Pushes play on the camera**_**.***

**Zolo: It lies!**

**Gage: Sure it does.**

**Zolo: Give me the camera.**

**Gage: No. I paid good money for this.**

**Zolo: Give it or I'll take it. It's the easy way or the hard way.***_**Holds out a hand.***_

**Gage: The hard way it is.***_**Grins very devilishly**_**.* **

**Zolo:***_**Reaches for the camera.* **_**Wait, your enjoying this aren't you?**

**Gage: Maybe, maybe not.**

**Zolo: Know what..***_**Pauses**_**.* I'm not playing games.**

**Gage: But I am.**

**Zolo: Don't mess with me.**

**Gage: Don't what?***_**Puts the camera in his pants**_**.*I thought you told me to put it down my pants.**

**Zolo:***_**Sighs**_**.* I'm going to take a shower or something**

**Gage: Can…***_**Gets interrupted**_**.***

**Zolo: No!**

**Gage: No fair.***_**Puts the camera on the nightstand**_**.* **

**Zolo: Life's not fair.**

**Gage: But I'm dead.**

**Zolo: You're not dead…yet.**

**Gage: Yes I…Wait, Yet? Are you planning on killing me?**

**Zolo: The thought had occurred to me.**

**Gage: I guess I just hang around you so much that I feel like it.**

**Zolo: What's that supposed to mean?**

**Gage:***_**Looks confused**_**.* What's what mean?**

**Zolo: Don't play dumb with me.**

**Gage: I'm not playing.**

**Zolo: Are you calling me boring since I'm older then your own parents?**

**Gage: Well you are.**

**Zolo: It is way to early to have this conversation… **

**Gage: You say that all the time. **

**Zolo: And that should tell you I don't want to talk about it.**

**Gage: But I'm going to die one day and you will be all alone.**

**Zolo: I think that's a plus side.**

**Gage: You know you can't live without me.**

**Zolo: Because you haven't given me a chance to live without you.**

**Gage: You have to like me right?**

**Zolo: Do you want me to answer that?**

**Gage: I don't feel like you should be saying in such a way. It makes me feel bad.**

**Zolo: Well I kind of don't really.**

**Gage: Oh… Well then I'll just go. ***_**Start to tear up and heads out the room**_**.***

**Zolo: ***_**Thinks**_**.* Am I really going to do this? Then again I have the place all to myself. No more Gage. No more Gage?**

**Gage: ***_**Thinks**_**.* Any minute now. He's going to apologize. Zolo will ask me to stay, right? Any minute now.**

**Zolo: All alone? ***_**Zolo shuts the bedroom door behind him**_**.***

**Gage: You know what. I don't need this. I'll just go stay with my parents for a while till I can get my own place. ***_**Gage says aloud packing all his stuff into an Iron Man backpack.***_

**Zolo: No more Gage? A clean house? Is it worth it?* **_**Sighs and says out loud.***_** No.**

**Gage: Come on! Does this thing even work? ***_**Pushes the button for the elevator.* **_**Screw this. I'm taking the stairs. ***_**Walks to the doorway for the steps.***_** Bye Zolo.**

**Zolo: Damn! I'm too late. ***_**Watches the elevator number go down**_**.***

**Gage: Man there are a lot of stairs. Who does this crap?! ***_**A old woman jogs past him up the stairs wearing a moomoo and carrying two cats.***_

**Zolo: I'll just take the stairs maybe I can still catch up. ***_**Races to the stairs**_**.***

**Gage:***_**Panting.* **_**I really need to work out more.**

**Zolo: Alright he can't be too far down. ***_**Takes two steps and bumps into Gage.***_

**Gage: Oh my Buddha! ***_**Falls down three flights of stairs.***_

**Zolo: ***_**Looks over the rail.* **_**This building is poorly designed.**

**Gage: Ow…**

**Zolo: ***_**Jumps down, and lands gracefully by Gage**_**.* You okay? Gage?**

**Gage: I knew you would come back…***_**Passes out from the fall**_**.***

**Zolo: Idiot. ***_**Picks Gage up.***_

**~Later~**

**Gage: ***_**Wakes up.* **_**Why'd you push me down the stairs?**

**Zolo: I didn't push you.**

**Gage: Oh, because I pushed myself. Yeah because that sounds realistic. Look who can lift a whale.**

**Zolo: Hay, that was one time! ***_**Awkward silence**_**.* I brought you back to get fixed up.**

**Gage: Aw. You missed me. I knew you liked me.**

**Zolo: I don't hate you, but I wouldn't say I like you.**

_**Author's note K: Instant denial. Lies just fallen from those beautiful lips.**_

**Gage: Details… details.**

**Zolo: You know this wouldn't have happened if your out of shape self would have taken the elevator. ***_**He explains sitting up in the bed.***_

**Gage: you tried to kill me! I thought you were trying to scare me, but you tried to kill me!**

**Zolo: If I was trying to kill you then you'd know it.**

**Gage: I sure felt it. All over!**

**Zolo: I didn't even know you were on the stairs.**

**Gage: You're a vampire. Shouldn't you be able to sense these things.**

**Zolo: I'm a vampire not a Jedi.**

**Gage: The force is strong within this one… Except his brain!!**

**Zolo: I'll let you know I'm smarter than you.**

_**Author's note K: He's smarter than a 5**__**th**__** grader.**_

**Gage: Not really because I would rather have stopped before knocking someone down ten flights of stairs.**

_**Author's note D: Gage is the type of person to jump off a cliff and then remember he couldn't fly… he'd be dead if it wasn't for Zolo.**_

**Zolo: Um. It was three.**

**Frances: ***_**Pops in**_**.* Who wants cocoa? **

_**Author's note K: Neither of us even like cocoa!**_

**Gage: What is my brother doing here?**

**Zolo: I didn't know he was your brother, that's my secret lover.**

**Frances: What? You're cheating on me again?**

**Gage: What!? With my little brother?! Zolo! How could you!**

**Zolo: Hold on.**

**Gage: You make even the straightest of men think twice.**

**Frances: Calm down G. We're just messing with you.**

**Justin: ***_**Comes in wearing one of Zolo's rainbow suits**_**.* Zolo, how can you wear so much color? ***_**Tugs on the sleeve**_**.* Every time I close my eyes I see a rainbow.**

**Frances: Aw. It could be worse.**

**Justin: How so?**

**Zolo: You could be Gage with his color choices and broken arm.**

**Gage: Hey, that's not nice.**

**Justin: Oh, come on. We all know. Zolo isn't nice.**

**Gage: True. I think it's because he hasn't been laid in years.**

**Frances: You could fix that easily couldn't you?**

**Gage: So many issues so little time. That would take forever which I don't have.**

**Justin: ***_**Puts a hand on Zolo's shoulder.* **_**It's time like this that make you regret saving his life.**

**Frances: Yeah, I wouldn't have saved him.**

**Gage: This is coming from my little bro. I'm hurt.**

**Frances: You know my reasons.**

**Gage: That GI. Joe guy looked better in a blue suit!**

**Frances: This coming from a guy who belongs in an old black and white film.**

**Gage: Zolo likes the way I look.**

**Frances: That's not what he said last night.**

**Justin: You do realize you were talking to me last night.**

**Frances: Then where was Zolo?**

**Justin: He had a date.**

**Gage & Frances: With who?**

**Zolo: None of your business. I can do what I want, when I want, with who I want.**

_**Author's note K: I typed half of this and I kept pushing the capital "L" button instead of this ":" .**_

**Frances: Wow, someone woke up the wrong side of the bed.**

**Zolo: What bed? I've been sleeping on the floor.**

**Justin: Hey, bro. Don't you have to go to work today?**

**Zolo: What? Oh, yeah.**

**Gage: Do you need me to do any laundry?**

**Frances: To late. He's already out the door. So do you do all the laundry?**

**Gage: And get up a five in the morning to make him coffee**

**Justin: I'm taking one of your shirts, Gage.**

**Gage: Really, you have no idea where half of my things have been**

**Justin: Fine…***_**Takes off Zolo's rainbow jacket and shirt**_**.* That's better, I'll just wear this.**

**Frances: Aw…My eyes.***_**Turns away**_**.***

**Justin: What's wrong with you we're all men here. Unless you have something to tell us, Frances.**

**Frances: I'm straight!**

**Gage: Calm down he's still half dressed.**

**Justin: But that can change if you want it to, Frances.***_**Grins and starts to unbutton his pants.***_

**Frances: For all that is holy don't!!***_**Pulls out a little cross**_**.***

**Justin: You know that only works on vampires.**

**Gage: No it doesn't, I should know I've tried.**

**Justin: I heard about that.***_**Pauses.* **_**Frances, if it well make you happy…***_**Grabs a random shirt and slips it on**_**.* See, I can get dressed when I feel like it.**

**Gage: But that's mine.**

**Justin: Not anymore.**

**Gage: I was going to wear that tomorrow.**

**Frances: Where has that even been?**

**Gage: Who cares…Look At It!***_**Points at the black shirt Justin's wearing.* **_**It's amazing.**

**Justin: Catch ya later, I'm going to annoy Zolo at work.**

**Frances: Sounds like fun. Count me in..**

**Justin: Do I have to?**

**Frances: Either way I'm going.**

**Gage: What about me?**

**Justin: Three's a crowd**

**Gage: But-What am I supposed to do?***_**The room goes quiet**_**.*What the hell man!**

**~At McDonald's~**

**Zolo: Do you want fries with that?**

**RC: I didn't order anything**

**Zolo: You didn't have to I read your mind**

**RC: Really?**

**Zolo: ***_**Starts laughing.* **_**Of course not.**

**Jerry: Quit messing with the consumers and do your job!**

**Zolo: Alright mom. She says I have to play nice.**

**RC: Does she now?**

**Zolo: Of course, So order something.**

**RC: I'd rather just set up another date. When do you get off?**

**Zolo: …I don't really know.**

**RC: Oh come on it's not like have anything better to do.**

**Zolo: Isn't once a week good enough for you?**

**Justin: Hay, big guy!**

**Frances: Yo!**

**Zolo: Hide.**

**RC: Why they seem harmless?**

**Zolo: Just hide.**

**RC: You know that tall one is kind of cute.**

**Justin: That tall one has a name.**

**RC: And that would be?**

**Justin: Name's Justin, and you would be?**

**RC: Mary, and this sexy man's girlfriend.***_**Leans over the counter and hugs Zolo.***_

**Zolo: ***_**Shakes his head and hands.* **_**It's not what you think it is.**

**Justin: We left Gage alone to see this he's going to be hurt.**

**Frances: I agree. He was all confused when he heard you went on a date and then we left him alone.***_**Puts a hand on his hips**_**.*It's just sad.**

**Justin: I don't know she's pretty hot.**

**Mary: Who's Gage and you do realize I'm standing right here?**

**Justin: I'm aware of that.**

**Zolo: Gage is a friend.**

**Justin: Just a friend?**

**Frances: You know the guy is in love with you. When you left the room the other night he was talking about you in his sleep.**

**Justin: He even crappy job just to help out.**

**Zolo: Gage doesn't have a job.**

**Frances: That you know of.**

**Zolo: Ok, so where exactly is this fictional job?**

**Justin: A bar.**

_**Author's note D: If Zolo got out more he'd know where Gage worked already**_

**Zolo: That isn't possible.**

**Mary: Who are you even talking about?**

**Zolo: My roommate.**

**Mary: You told me you live alone.**

**Zolo: Technically I said I used to live alone, and he got really hurt so it didn't seem worth mentioning.**

**Mary: You lied to me!***_**Slaps Zolo**_**.* We're through.**

**Justin: So, are you free tonight?**

**Mary: No!**

**Jerry: Zolo go home! Your making a scene!**

**Zolo: Alright mom!**

**Frances: How did you not know about his bar job?**

**Justin: Are you the only one that didn't know?**

**Frances: Even our mom knows..**

**Zolo:***_**Shrugs.* **_**Gage, isn't the only one with secrets. **

**Frances: What are you talking about? He knows that you're a….you know.**

**Zolo: Maybe, but he didn't know I have a brother or how old I really am.**

**Frances: He knows your older then dirt. We share everything.**

**Justin: He has you there.**

**Zolo: Does he? Do you realize that one day Gage well notice your not aging and ask why?**

**Frances: I'm trying to find a way to tell him. It's not your condition anymore.**

**Justin: You could just go fluffy and see if that works.**

**Frances: Fluffy? That's new.**

**Justin: Not really.**

**Zolo: You two do realize we're still in McDonalds, right?**

**Frances & Justin: Yep.**

**Zolo: We should head home.**

**Frances: Race you there**

**Justin: Your on.**

**Frances: I have never lost to Gage and I'm not losing to you**

**Justin: That's nothing to be proud of.**

**Zolo: Calm down and get out the place first.**

**Justin: Yes, captain.**

**Frances: Hay, that's my position you're making fun of.**

**Zolo: Before you two kill yourselves. Let's make a pit stop on our way back.**

**Frances: Where to turn?**

**Zolo: Just go home and tell Gage I'm bringing him a surprise.**

**Justin: Got'cha, keep up slowpoke.**

**Frances: Oh, please I'm letting you win.**

**Justin: Whatever helps you sleep at night.**

**~At Hyvee~**

**Zolo: Looks like I have enough for three roses and a box of chocolates. Stupid dog took all my money.***_**Zolo's backpack barks**_**.***

**RC: Sir, dogs aren't allowed here.**

**Zolo: ***_**Smiles**_**.* I'm sure you can make an : I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave.**

**Zolo: I would but I'm sure it's called shoplifting to leave without : Fine, that's 10.50.**

**Zolo: Sounds reasonable.***_**Hands the random chick the cash**_**.***

**~Back at the apartment~**

**Zolo: I'm back!***_**Walks into the room.**_***Where's, Gage?**

**Frances: We told him about Mary and he locked himself in the bathroom.**

**Zolo: And you haven't gotten him out?**

**Justin:***_**Shrugs.* **_**He locked the door.**

**Zolo: That door can't even keep Gage out.**

**Justin: You know me I didn't even try.**

**Zolo:***_**Walks over to the bathroom**_**.*Gage? ***_**Knocks on the bathroom door**_**.* We need to talk, let me in.**

**Gage: No, leave me alone.**

**Zolo: Gage, I'm sorry.**

**Gage: I don't believe.**

**Zolo: I'm sorry, please, just let me in.**

**Frances: Aw.. He's sorry.**

**Justin: Oh, come on he isn't that heartless**

**Zolo: ***_**Sighs**_***Okay, Gage, you win. Just stay in there and listen.***_**Turns around.**_*** You two go home.**

**Frances: No, this is just getting good.**

**Justin: I'm with you, we aren't going anywhere.**

**Zolo: Fine..***_**Leans on the door**_**.* Gage, please, just hear me out.**

**Gage: No, I don't want to hear your excuses.**

**Zolo: Gage, would you give me a chance to explain? I'm not the only one you has a secret. You had a job and you didn't tell me about it.**

**Gage: I tried! You didn't now go away.**

**Frances: He has his mind set…there's no getting through.**

**Zolo: Shut it, Frances! Now, Gage, you're still hurt let me in.***_**Waits for a response**_**.* Gage, please?**

**Gage: Fine, but those two can't come in.***_**Unlocks the door**_**.***

**Zolo: You heard him.***_**Walks in**_**.*Why are you in the bathtub?**

**Gage: Lock it. And I needed to cool off.***_**Sits back in the tub**_**.* I'm listening, so, explain.**

**Zolo:***_**Locks door**_**.* I'm sorry. It was only a date. I hadn't been out for ages and you being in a coma didn't help.**

**Gage: That's not what I heard.**

**Zolo: My brother rarely ever tells the truth.**

**Gage: All I ever seem to get from you is excuses!**

**Zolo: That isn't true.**

**Gage: Let's see…First of all you always blame me for getting us kicked out of the CIA, you can always find some reason not to spend any time with me, you said you didn't know I was on the stairs and now your saying it was only a date!**

**Zolo: Gage…I…I never meant…I didn't mean to hurt you…I'm sorry. Really, Truly ,sorry.**

**Gage: Then prove it.**

**Zolo: I brought you these.***_**Shows him the roses and chocolates**_**.***

**Gage: Is that all you bring to apologize?**

**Zolo: No, I stopped and bought you a puppy**

**Gage: I'll believe it when I see it.* **_**A puppy walks out of Zolo's backpack.***_

**Zolo: See its right there.**

**Gage: You really do care!**

**Zolo: Why wouldn't I? And, Gage, no putting this one in the microwave please.**

**Gage: What's her name?**

**Zolo: Shop, I think.**

**Gage: She's adorable.**

**Zolo: Gage, it's a boy.**

**Gage: That's horrible! Fix it!**

**Zolo: I can't now calm down. You're getting cold water everywhere.**

**Gage: Thanks!***_**Hugs Zolo with his soaking wet body**_**.***

**Zolo: ***_**Gives Gage a shy smile.* **_**So, are we good now?**

**Gage: Sure, on one condition.**

**Zolo: What?**

**Gage: Kiss me.**

**Zolo: What?!**

**Gage: You heard me.**

**Zolo: ***_**Sighs**_**.* Is there anything else? Anything at all?**

**Gage: No, its this or nothing.**

**Zolo: Fine..***_**Kisses Gage**_**.***

**Gage:***_**Deepens the kiss and thinks**_**.*Finally.**

**Frances:***_**Breaks the door in on them.***_**Don't kill him. He's…**

**Justin: Nice.**

**Zolo:***_**Breaks away.* **_**Its not what it looks like.**

**Gage:***_**With a dreamy look**_**.* All's forgiven.**

**Frances: Is that why he was….**

**Justin: You really need to get over yourself.**

**Frances: ***_**Turns to the door**_**.*Let's just go home and give them some privacy.**

**Justin: We should go to the mall. I need some new clothes.**

**Zolo: ***_**Points to the door**_**.* Just get out already.**

**Frances: We know when we aren't wanted.**

**Justin:***_**Hugs Zolo.* **_**See ya later, brother.**

**Zolo: Bye.**

*****_**Justin and Frances leave.***_

**Gage: So, where were we?**

**Zolo: Nowhere.**

**Gage: I thought you'd be done playing hard to get.**

**Zolo: Let's get you into some dry clothes and save the talking until later.**

**Gage: Am I banished to the couch again?**

**Zolo: ***_**Thinks about it and sighs.* **_**No, your still hurt.**

**Gage: Yay!**

**~The End~**

**Facts**

**Author's note- D and K tell you which of the creators had something to say**


End file.
